Yesterday I asked an open question to the married people on /r/Christianity, regarding marriage.
The exact question was: “What advice would you give a guy who is prepared to get married?”
I then proceeded to break down the question into bullet points:
HOW TO GO ABOUT IT
This was quite an open question, so the answers I got were mixed with the others.
Generally though, one should consult with the Elders or Leaders in the community he or she is, regarding the process. Since it my differ from person to person and from culture to culture.
Now lets go the the fun parts.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A PERSON
I received many answers regarding this, and all of them lean towards, looking beyond the physical appearance of the person(even though we should not ignore it completely).
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”In-Progress” link=”https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/6evy01/to_the_married_folks_what_advice_would_you_give_a/didipmu/” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]I don’t have time to write a lot and answer all of your questions, but my overall advice is to find a woman who loves the Lord and will help you love him better. In that vein, if you are a Christian, it might be good to find someone in your same denomination, to minimize disagreements. Find good, mature Christian friends and leaders who you can talk to and can help you through this process.
It’s also nice if you have the same thoughts on kids (how many and how to raise them) and pets and future home location[/perfectpullquote]
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”truthbom” link=”https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/6evy01/to_the_married_folks_what_advice_would_you_give_a/didpdig/” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]Many who date don’t look beyond the surface. Instead, they quickly point to the things they have in common: “We like the same music.” “We enjoy the same activities.” “We agree on everything!” However, you need to look beyond superficial traits. You need to discern “the secret person of the heart.” (1 Peter 3:4; Ephesians 3:16) Rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree.[/perfectpullquote]
THINGS TO AVOID
Most of the things to avoid can be found above. The following quote though touches some very interesting points.
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”Caltex88″ link=”https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/6evy01/to_the_married_folks_what_advice_would_you_give_a/didhhfb/” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]Communicate your life goals and what kind of relationship you want very early on. Don’t waste time with those who don’t align with you. Don’t stick with someone hoping they will change or change their mind. Find out the important stuff early and cut them loose if they don’t want the same things you do. Too many couples waste years together hoping the other person will change.[/perfectpullquote]
HOW TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE STRONG
The marriage ceremony is only the tip of the iceberg. The real marriage starts after, and it is important to work hard towards maintaining a peaceful, loving and strong marriage.
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”tom5tom86″ link=”https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/6evy01/to_the_married_folks_what_advice_would_you_give_a/didjwgx/” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]
I once heard a great line about divorce. All divorces have one thing in common. One or both of them got selfish. I agree with this sentiment. The hardest times in my marriage have been when I have been selfish or I feel my wife is being selfish. So to have a good marriage the husband needs to care about the wife’s needs not his own, and the wife likewise needs to care about her husbands needs not her own. If you can do this any marriage to anybody will work and be strong and loving.
This is one of the reasons why it does say husbands love your wife as Christ loves the Church (gave up everything for her), and wives submit yourself to your husband. It is not to brow beat the spouse into getting your way that is selfish and will only destroy the marriage. I know I didn’t understand it when I first got married.
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”roaming_gnome” link=”https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/6evy01/to_the_married_folks_what_advice_would_you_give_a/didqa2w/” color=”” class=”” size=”14″]
Someone on Reddit the other day said to think of your marriage not as being 50/50 but 40/60. Always do more for your spouse and you’ll do just fine.
And, honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, never stop dating your spouse. Dates don’t always mean the traditional dinner and a movie. My husband and I are on a date when it’s just the two of us binge watching all the Indiana Jones movies in sweats. It’s time just being with the other sometimes.
I believe that the above points are all valid, but we should never forget to go to God in prayer. He is able to give us the strength to work hard towards our marriage and beyond.
I hope these tips will be helpful to anyone who is considering to get married in the near future.
What other tips would you like to give regarding marriage? You can write them down in the comment section below.
God bless you and have a wonderful week.